A funny thing happened to my nose

No air flowing through the right nostril. Damn. Shift position, adjust the pillow to a slight incline, roll onto other side. Soon, right nostril opens, yet left now appears to be blocked. Grrrrr. One can’t win this battle.

The lack of free flowing breath via the nose is by far the symptom I detest most that comes with a cold. The coughing, as long as it’s not too juicy or violent, can become an event of dramatic expression and victory, by raising a fist into the air having survived each attack; a positive. The yellow and sometimes green goo that manages to emerge oh so attractively from orifices you did not know you even had, always at the most opportune of times, can become a curious and exploratory event; a potential positive. But the blocked nose, there is simply nothing joyful, celebratory, or positive about that. And so, when I found myself tossing and turning last Monday night suffering from this very malady, I decided that come sun rise, I would find a solution.; something that would essentially kick the ass of whatever it was lurking uninvited inside my nasal passages.

Garlic is a very powerful substance. Potent smell, strong taste, did I mention potent smell? It has been regarded as one of natures most robust immune system boosters, not to mention one of the most powerful repellants if trying to ward off a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or any other bedroom companion. Garlic was exactly what I had my sights set on to solve this unpleasant blocked nose problem.

Being a bit of a devotee to Ayurvedic Medicine, I consulted my Ayurvedic Home Cures book for sinus infections. A wide range of herbs, diet restrictions, and rest were suggested, but then my eye caught a nicely boxed bit of text on the bottom right of the page. Garlic, that potent little substance ,was suggested if one was brave enough. “You may not enjoy this, but it works” claimed the book. My puffed-up-chested ego stepped up and said, “Oh i can handle that! In fact this was just what I was looking for.” 

In hindsight, yes it was a little aggressive given the intensity of garlic and the fragility of my nasal passages. But I had never stuck garlic up my nose, and I have to admit, I was mildly intrigued. And was it effective? Like sticking a lollypop in a screaming 4 year old’s mouth.

I was to take a head of garlic, juice it, then use an eye dropper to drip 3-5 drops of the juice up my nose. Then, I had to keep my head back for at least 5 min to allow the juice to work it’s magic, finally returning to an upright position and blowing out whatever contents were left. I wish I could say the experience as simple and calm as that sentence reads. On the contrary. It was more like shoving a bottle rocket up my nose, lighting it, then allowing it to explode inside the nose. That is precisely what it feels like to drop even just ONE tiny droplet of garlic juice up there. 3-5? you’ve got to be kidding me. Hold your head back for 5 min? 5 seconds was enough to make me cry like baby.

Yet after a few minutes passed, my eyes ceased being geysers of tears, the feeling slowly returned to my face, and my body stopped trembling and convulsing. It was then that I was rewarded with the most incredible and uplifting surprise; freedom of breath, all in under 10 minutes. Whatever it was that was lurking up in my nose had quickly retreated, and I was fairly certain after that procedure, would never return.

So, if you find yourself with a nasty little sinus infection over these next few weeks as we shift from winter to spring (the time of year you are MOST likely to get a cold), and you’re feeling brave, adventuresome, and jonesing to stick something up your nose, I highly recommend the fresh garlic juice method. Kick back, load up the dropper, take a few in the schnoz, and prepare for fireworks. Ten minutes later, you will be ginning from ear to ear, breathing like an iron lung, and revering the power of garlic.